Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
