walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
