standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
