all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
