She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
