I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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