Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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