Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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