My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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