im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
