he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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