I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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