you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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