she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
