I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
