i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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