Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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