His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
