I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
