I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
