Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
