I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
