Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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