My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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