Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had sex on a roof
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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