Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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