Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
