Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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