K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
