Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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