That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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