I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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