Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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