They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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