Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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