Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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