The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
