I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
