So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
