we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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