I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
