SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
