yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize