Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
