It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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