Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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