I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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