As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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