I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
