First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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