nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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