fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
