she woke up with a sticky ear
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
