We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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