SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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