I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
